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Do you find it hard to say “No”? Do you find yourself committing to things just to be nice? Do you say “Yes” to things without thinking about them properly and later regret it?

With the busy weeks ahead, now seems a good time to practice the gentle Art of Saying No. “No” helps you eliminate stress. “No” frees you up to do the things you really want or need to be doing. “No” gives you some breathing space, some time to rest and recharge. “No” puts you in control of how you spend your time.

I am a natural “Yes” person. I’ve always been up for most anything and when you combine that with being someone of a very helpful nature, it means that before I realise it, I am overcommitted and begrudging the very things I said “yes” to in the first place.

Leo Babauta of Zen Habits and writer of the great book “The Power of Less” has shared some wisdom with us about The Art of Saying No. First he shows us the reasons why we find it hard to say “no”:

1. You want to help. You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time.
2. Afraid of being rude. Some people are brought up to believe that saying “no” is rude or inconsiderate.
3. Fear of conflict. You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her or there might be dissent created which could lead to negative consequences in the future.
4. Fear of lost opportunities. Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors. People might not ask you again if you say no. (Or you might miss a really great party!)
5. Not burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed.

If you nodded to any of the reasons, I’m with you. They applied to me at one point or another. However, in my experience dealing with people in life, I’ve realised these reasons are more misconceptions than anything. Saying “No” doesn’t mean you are being rude; neither does it mean you are being disagreeable. Saying “No” doesn’t mean there will be conflict nor that you’ll lose opportunities in the future. And saying “No” most definitely doesn’t mean you’re burning bridges. These are all false beliefs in our mind.

At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no”, rather than the fact you’re saying “no”, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time, space and energy. Saying no is your prerogative.

If you are not sure how to do so, here are Leo’s simple ways to say “No”. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation.

1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”

If you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment, so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests. If it makes it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better. I use this when I have too many commitments to attend to.

2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?”

It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of something. This method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off.

3. “I’d love to do this, but …”

This is a gentle way of breaking “no” to the other party. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong about it.

4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”

This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this. It gives you more time to think about it before committing. If you’re not interested in what the person has to offer at all, don’t lead him/her on. Use method 6 which is definitive.

6. “No, I can’t.”

The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no. These barriers are self-created and they are not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it outright. You’ll be surprised when the reception isn’t half as bad as what you imagined it to be.

Drop the guilt over saying “No”. Learn to decline requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it actually is. Say “No” to distractions and anything or anyone who takes you away from how you want to be spending your time. You’ll create more space for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you. “No” is liberating.

What are you going to say “No” to this month?

Positively yours,

Kelly P x

Photo by Stuart Miles

Rich Text Area Toolbar Bold (Ctrl + B) Italic (Ctrl + I) Strikethrough (Alt + Shift + D) Unordered list (Alt + Shift + U) Ordered list (Alt + Shift + O) Blockquote (Alt + Shift + Q) Align Left (Alt + Shift + L) Align Center (Alt + Shift + C) Align Right (Alt + Shift + R) Insert/edit link (Alt + Shift + A) Unlink (Alt + Shift + S) Insert More Tag (Alt + Shift + T) Toggle spellchecker (Alt + Shift + N) ▼ Toggle fullscreen mode (Alt + Shift + G) Show/Hide Kitchen Sink (Alt + Shift + Z) Format – Paragraph Paragraph ▼ Underline Align Full (Alt + Shift + J) Select text color ▼ Paste as Plain Text Paste from Word Remove formatting Insert custom character Outdent Indent Undo (Ctrl + Z) Redo (Ctrl + Y) Help (Alt + Shift + H)   Do you find it hard to say “No”? Do you find yourself committing to things just to be nice? Do you say “Yes” to things without thinking about them properly and later regret it? With the busy weeks ahead, now seems a good time to practice the gentle Art of Saying No . “No” helps you eliminate stress. “No” frees you up to do the things you really want or need to be doing. “No” gives you some breathing space, some time to rest and recharge. “No” puts you in control of how you spend your time. I am a natural “Yes” person. I’ve always been up for most anything and when you combine that with being someone of a very helpful nature, it means that before I realise it, I am overcommitted and begrudging the very things I said “yes” to in the first place. Leo Babauta of Zen Habits and writer of the great book “The Power of Less” has shared some wisdom with us about The Art of Saying No. First he shows us the reasons why we find it hard to say “no”: You want to help . You are a kind soul at heart. You don’t want to turn the person away and you want to help where possible, even if it may eat into your time. Afraid of being rude . Some people are brought up to believe that saying “no” is rude or inconsiderate. Fear of conflict . You are afraid the person might be angry if you reject him/her or there might be dissent created which could lead to negative consequences in the future. Fear of lost opportunities . Perhaps you are worried saying no means closing doors. People might not ask you again if you say no. (Or you might miss a really great party!) Not burning bridges . Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. It might lead to bridges being burned and relationships severed. If you nodded to any of the reasons, I’m with you. They applied to me at one point or another. However, in my experience dealing with people in life, I’ve realised these reasons are more misconceptions than anything. Saying “No” doesn’t mean you are being rude; neither does it mean you are being disagreeable. Saying “No” doesn’t mean there will be conflict nor that you’ll lose opportunities in the future. And saying “No” most definitely doesn’t mean you’re burning bridges. These are all false beliefs in our mind. At the end of the day, it’s about how you say “no”, rather than the fact you’re saying “no”, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just like everyone has his/her own needs. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time, space and energy. Saying no is your prerogative. If you are not sure how to do so, here are Leo’s simple ways to say “No”. Use the method that best meets your needs in the situation. 1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.” If you are too busy to engage in the request/offer, this will be applicable. This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment, so he/she should hold off on this as well as future requests. If it makes it easier, you can also share what you’re working on so the person can understand better. I use this when I have too many commitments to attend to. 2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?” It’s common to get sudden requests for help when you are in the middle of something. This method is a great way to (temporarily) hold off the request. First, you let the person know it’s not a good time as you are doing something. Secondly, you make known your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off. 3. “I’d love to do this, but …” This is a gentle way of breaking “no” to the other party. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea (of course, only say this if you do like it) and there’s nothing wrong about it. 4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.” This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”.

If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this. It gives you more time to think about it before committing. If you’re not interested in what the person has to offer at all, don’t lead him/her on. Use method 6 which is definitive. 6. “No, I can’t.” The simplest and most direct way to say no. We build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no. These barriers are self-created and they are not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it outright. You’ll be surprised when the reception isn’t half as bad as what you imagined it to be.   Drop the guilt over saying “No”. Learn to decline requests that don’t meet your needs, and once you do that you’ll find how easy it actually is. Say “No” to distractions and anything or anyone who takes you away from how you want to be spending your time. You’ll create more space for yourself, your work and things that are most important to you. “No” is liberating. What are you going to say “No” to this month? Positively yours, Kelly P x   Photo by Stuart Miles Path : p